Happy Mother's day
They always say that the first's are the hardest when you lose someone, and they are right.
We never really celebrated mother's day, the kids would always give us hand made cards, so this year for the older ones it was a little harder than other years. This year though, our youngest is at pre-school, and although the pre-school is aware of the situation, they carried on as usual and the other kids made cards for their mums. At the end of the day, I was called into the office because our youngest had been in tears. She had told the teachers that she "doesn't have a mummy".
As a 4-year-old doesn't really understand death like the older ones do, this was going to take some explaining. In my story, I say that we have always been open and honest with the kids when they asked questions. I wasn't going to lie this time, I just needed to explain it so a 4-year-old might understand and if you have kids sometimes telling something to a 4-year-old is difficult at the best of times. So once we had got home where it was quieter, I sat down with the youngest and the laptop and went through the family photos. We were naming all the people in the photo, what happened next made me cry as I was utterly heartbroken. There was a picture of Erin, and the youngest didn't know who it was! So after I wiped away the tears and explained that it was mummy, she said: "no, it isn't, mummy didn't have any hair and always wore a hat". It hadn't even clicked that the youngest had only ever really know Erin with no hair. Although her hair had not started to fall out until the second round of Chemo, the youngest would have only been just coming up three so wouldn't of really remembered what she looked like with hair.
We found some pictures of Erin with no hair, and she knew that was her mummy. I was then asked the question I knew was going to happen at some point, "where is mummy now?", so I had to tell her that one of the reasons mummy didn't have any hair was because she wasn't very well and the doctors were trying to make her better, but the medicine mummy was taken couldn't make her better, and now she is an angel flying around in the sky. I did get another question of "when is she coming back?", again, I had to explain that she wasn't coming back, but it is ok as while she is flying around and is watching everything you do.
Happy Mother's Day to all the mums out there, and for those that have lost mum (or dads) remember that you will always have them in your hearts.
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Follow me on my journey of life after the death of my wife and the training I am doing to raise money for Marie Curie. Please feel free to contact me if you have any suggestions for my next blog.